Are you 100% sure that your goals are doable?

Often when I have felt the heaviness of failure it's been because the goal or expectation I had set was a stretch from the moment I set it. There are many examples of this in my life. I would commit to being somewhere at a certain time, knowing that I would need clear roadways and all green lights to get there on time from my prior commitment. Often, I was late. Or I would commit to doing something for someone, knowing that I would be stressed to do it well in addition to my other commitments. Often, I would short-change the assignment, or finish it later than agreed.

Every time I failed to meet a commitment I'd made, I felt really bad - disappointed in myself and wanting to crawl under a rock somewhere. You'd think it would be easy enough to change the behavior, but like all well-entrenched habits, it took years of awareness and effort to make the significant shift. I wouldn't dare to say that I am perfect at it, but these days I do things better, consistently.

Now, before I set a goal for myself or make a commitment to someone, I ask myself whether I'm 100% sure that the goal is doable. That means considering the task itself, as well as everything else I have going on around it. If I'm not 100% sure that it's doable, I modify the goal or commitment to something that I *am* 100% sure is doable.

That doesn't mean that I don't ever have to reset expectations with someone I've made commitment to. Things happen. People understand that. But setting doable goals means a lot less resetting of expectations.

There is risk in saying "No, I can't do that task in that timeframe, but I can do..." The other person might be disappointed. They might decide I'm incompetent, or less competent than someone else. I might not get to do the task, and maybe it's something I really want to do. I'm sure there are other bad things that could happen, too. That's why it's easy at the commitment point to over-promise; all of these bad things are avoided and the other person goes away happy.

But then when my razor-thin margin of error turns out to be too thin and I fail, well then I surely have disappointed the other person, as well as myself. And now they're even more likely to decide that I am less competent than someone else. And maybe they're now wishing they'd asked someone else. So, while they might have felt good when I said "yes," in the end, it was worse that I failed than if I had set reasonable expectations to begin with.

I have learned that it's wayyy better to make sure that a goal or commitment is doable before I agree to it. If the other person doesn't like my counteroffer and decides to take their request elsewhere, so be it. I have saved myself not only the stress a stretch goal creates, but also the probability of disappointing someone else and, more importantly, myself.

Next time you set a goal or make a commitment, ask yourself, "Am I 100% sure that this is doable as stated?" And wait for an honest answer before proceeding.